Tuesday, March 21, 2017

What have you learned about writing for a blog?
2.  How has your blogged changed during the semester, and why?
3.  How is blogging important to your chosen major/career?
4.  How has blogging in this class affected you?
5.  What have been the most important lessons from the class?

The Audience Must Be Crazy.

I've learned that everyone's got a niche. Some people's niches aren't anything more than a life blog and that's OK. That's what my blog is. Also, if you want to be a successful blogger you must be attentive to what you're writing and who you're writing for. I I had an audience they would probably be a bit off to appreciate my humor and morbid nature. 

My Blog is Shit.

I feel like my blog has evolved in the sense that it has become more...professional, if that's possible for a ridiculous humor blog. I know my way around the website much better despite my ridiculous lack of technological knowledge. 

The Death of the English Language.

I believe that blogging has certainly made me a more conscious writer. I edit everything because I don't want to appear stupid, although stupid people can be entertaining, too. Blogging has benefitted me mainly because it's the most fun I've had on social media and has shown me that there are many talented bloggers out there who actually make money from their writing skills. Blogging has taught me the importance of writing well regardless of which facet of journalism you choose to use.

I'm Only a Novice Blogging Jedi.

I think the biggest impact has been my adopted blogger. She's shown me that you can say whatever you want and not feel the need to apologize. Also, I now realize that literally anyone can blog about anything. You can even blog about your mundane life. There's always something to be said for everything. 

Lessons Smessons. 

Just kidding. I have learned so much from this class. It's given me the confidence to write unapologetically. I've learned that blogging is a vast world of information and people's lives and experiences. It's actually incredible.  

Friday, March 17, 2017

You can talk the sleep talk but can you walk the sleep walk?

I have talked in my sleep since I was a child. Obviously, no one know they talk in their sleep. All the men I've slept with have told me. Now that I have been monogamous for 3.5 years, I get to hear the really good stuff from my fiancé, Kyle.

1. I once asked him his address (we live together). I then proceeded to accuse him of being a "shitty landlord." Then (I don't really like to share this but I must), I tried to pee in the closet. Hey, apparently that's not an uncommon thing. They used to call my cousin, Jesse, the "Wet Bandit." Every time he got drunk he peed on things. He ruined his friend's new futon. He also peed on his wallet. Maybe it's just in my genes. We're Palmers and we pee where we want!

2. I speak fluent Spanish in my sleep. This is coming from my boyfriend who speaks no Spanish at all so I'm probably just saying Spanish words and then a bunch of made-up words that sound like Spanish. I'm gonna go with the idea that I secretly speak fluent Spanish and am just too timid to speak it while conscious.

3. Last night I was tugging at Kyle's shirt. I said "Take it off." He was like, "Why?" He got excited. I then instructed him how to take off his shirt by telling him to "put your head through the hole." He gave his shirt to me. I thanked him and snuggled with it.

4. I have attempted to go out onto the balcony and through the window to pee. There seems to be a pattern here. I'm just progressive and sticking it to the man. I'm breaking the toilet norm.

I really want to record myself at night but I'm afraid it will reveal a demonic side of my personality or a presence in the house like on Paranormal Activity.

5. I talk like I'm at work in the beautiful paradise that regular civilians call "The Deli." I talk to customers about how thin they want their cheese. I'm very friendly and courteous.

6. I demanded that Kyle get off my sheet. Then I dragged it all the way into the kitchen. Then I came back to bed. Why? We'll never know.

7. This one happened at my dad's house when I was 12. I woke up in the middle of the night with no pillow. I was very confused and upset. The next morning I passed my dad's room and he had my fuckin' pillow! I was furious. When I confronted him about it he said I had brought it to him in the night as a gift.

Side note about my dad: He sleeps on the floor. He's like Tom Hanks in Castaway after he has slept in a cave for over a decade and then returns to regular life and can't sleep on a bed. Except my dad has never been marooned on a deserted island. At least not to my knowledge. Who knows? He's a very mysterious man.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Emily Palmer

Dr. Clark

Blog Paper

9 March 2017

            I’m so glad I took this class because I didn’t realize how satisfying blogging is. It allows people to express their feelings in a way that gives them time to think. So often we speak without thinking. Blogging is a way to filter ourselves. It allows the blogger to consider consequences and personally has shown me that I’m much more eloquently spoken through writing.

            I like the fact that I can showcase my humor. Some of it may be a little off-color or offensive. I’m not trying to hide behind a computer when I say these things. I know that if a reader is offended by something I say they can just not read my blog. Having a blog is very liberating in that way.

            An aspect of blogging that I would ideally look into is blogging for a company. I’ve spoken to several people who get paid to sit at home and blog a couple of times a month. Some people get advertisers on their blogs. The blogger needs to have a niche. I don’t think my blog really has a niche. It certainly has a target audience: people who share the same humor as me. My friends think it’s funny. I can see how many readers wouldn’t agree. So, it seems that the people who are making money from their blogs, aside from blogging for a company, are blogging about something that’s fairly universal like makeup, health, beauty, food, travel and other things that are far more relatable.

            I wish more people read my blog. I’ve been contemplating putting a link to it on Facebook. I appreciate this class because I will probably include my blog on my resume just to demonstrate that I actually know how to write. This is why I have kept my blog fairly clear of profanity and anything inappropriate, although again, I can see how some people might get offended by my humor. That’s the whole point. Humor is supposed to be offensive.

Friday, March 3, 2017

Attention: White People.

I'm Caucasian so I think that's probably the only race I can make fun of. I love how America's got such a melting pot of diversity. I'm also very interested in the rest of the world (yes, America, there are other countries in the world). I love other cultures and really just want to travel for the rest of my life. I've hung out solely with Black people and was very confused about some of the things that they did. They were merciless with their teasing and I genuinely thought they were being mean. That was just their particular friendship. (Not saying all Black people are like that, it was just my experience). I grew up in a small town that was probably 50% Native American. Everyone calls them Indians where I'm from. I'm aware that that's not politically correct but that's just how I grew up. It wasn't considered a derogatory term. The most interesting thing about Indians is their ability to laugh at themselves. White people aren't generally like that. White people tend to get embarrassed. I've learned to laugh at myself through my Native family members. It's much easier. And this is not a white people bashing post! My family is (mostly) white. However, we are cool white people. I guess this is really just making fun of dorky white people.

Image result for white people new balance  If my white boyfriend ever tried to wear these (and trust me, he's got no style), I would encourage my cat to poop in them. I think they made these specifically for white men to ward off any chance of them meeting a woman. Unless she's got a pair as well. And at that point I want nothing to do with either of you.

    Image result for poor people bologna sandwich   This is called being a poor white person. I've been there. Honestly this could probably go for any race. When grilled in a skillet, this is called a "McStruggle."

Image result for white people hair  Oh, man. Can we just not do cornrows? Cornrows are only mildly acceptable while vacationing in Cancun or participating in a cheerleading competition.

Image result for stupid white person names   I know everyone's seen this around the internet. What's most disturbing to me is that I kind of like most of those names. She really wanted the letter "y" in the name. Clearly this should be your biggest concern when naming a child.

Image result for redneck  Rednecks. They're everywhere. My brother lives in Portland and he says they are there, too! Portland is the most hipster infested city in the country in case you weren't aware. I should do a post about hipsters. Anyway, this picture makes me cringe because I know probably 100 people who look like this. Oh, I just noticed her Insane Clown Posse tattoo. How appropriate.

Image result for white people baby announcements   I actually think it's funny that they wrote "banana" on the baby's tummy. But seriously, what is up with these weird baby announcements? Also, that guy is not drinking beer. Look at those abs.

Image result for weird white people   Another example of a weird announcement. I'm assuming it's an engagement announcement but maybe it's just a picture of their love on a bale of hay. Either way, the photographer should never have agreed to this. Good job on the Photoshop, though. The guy's outfit is a nice touch. I think he's got on those damn New Balances!

  Image result for white people dancing In their defense, I can't dance either. I just don't care and clearly they don't either. Bust a move!

Image result for weird white people   I love this. The security guard's like, "What the hell is happening?"

Related image  Another time in which the photographer should have put their foot down. I've had conversations with people like this. The topics usually consist of Renaissance Fairs and cats. My parents forced my brother and I to attend a Renaissance Fair when I was a kid. I didn't know yet that those people existed, I just knew that my family and I did not belong. There were several giant pet iguanas and people talking in Old English.